This is just a story about me,about what I thought.I write this just for fun,to release all my problem in this single post.In fact,I would highly recommend all of you reader to not read this post cause' it will only waste your time.This is true story indeed but it was all just the problem I face and somehow I think I'm about to go insane,soon.How should I begin this.Well,this is no new problem to me,in fact I was drowned in it for the past a couple of years ago but somehow it burst out of me a few days ago.My first problem was my friends,I didn't know if it just me or what but somehow I feel so distance from them.We love anime,manga and stuff still I feel this huge distance.It occur to me when we were having conversation,somehow I feel left out and they only talk with each other only.I tried to join in but it always failed.What's more,every time the class ended,they will leave me behind and walk among themselves.It make me wonder what's so different about me that they will treat me that way.In fact,yesterday they leave me waiting for the bus alone and goes back to the apartment themselves along with (I don't know,maybe she is their new friend).I'm not jealous they been friends with her but don't cast me off like that.I feel like I was nothing to them,like they only want I there when they want me and ignored me when they have no need for me.It hurts,it really,really hurt.
My other friends was the same,they want to keep in touch with me but it always me who make the first move,I called them first,I start chatting with them first,it always me who make the move but not them.Okey,I understand that they might not know how to greet me first but hey,a single hey,how do you do or hello will be enough to begin a conversation right?it's not that hard or else how did they make friends or what do they first say or text when them were having a conversation with others,hm?I absolutely cannot think of other way to begin a conversation other that that.
It all the same with my housemate,I feel this huge distance between me and them.I tried to understand them cause' all of us have absolutely no similarities but yet,we were all girls so we can't be that different,right?I tried to get close by having conversation and it did go well except for there were this something that I feel off with all of us.It doesn't matter how much I tried getting close to them but it never worked.I couldn't even once understand them.But they sure get along very well among each other.Furthermore,I don't know if it just me or if she really feel that way about me but she seem to hate me.She even said it a couple of times but I always think of it as a joke even though those words make me uneasy.
Somehow I begin to think that it was very difficult to understand other even if they share a whole bunch of similarities with me.Humans are a complex beings,right?I couldn't even understand those who are my friends and how on earth I think can I able to understand those who aren't my friends.Well,now I feel a little relieved after write this post although it still cannot brush away this loneliness and emptiness in my heart.I just wish I would find someone who really think of me as a real friend and not a substitute whenever they were lonely.Anyway,this is just the first part of my story(well, it more to what I thought,but now it make me think twice.This could also be my diary,right?oh,whatever as long as I could pour all of my heart into it and express my feeling as well as my problem into it.
THE END OF PART ONE.....
